Eventually, life takes you where you’re supposed to be. That’s something that I’ve experienced over and over again throughout the years and it’s the reason why it wasn’t really surprising that I ended up at a one day-isch Shambhala meditation retreat two weeks ago. Originally it was a birthday present for my husband but because he “refused” ;) to go alone, I joined him.
As much as I want to share the meditation practice that we learned (and I really want to share it since it has changed the way I practice and view meditation in such a profound way), I promised not to. I got super excited about it and decided after the first few moments of sitting with this practice that I wanted to share it and spread it amongst my students so they can benefit from it too. Fair enough, at the end of the retreat, they asked us not to talk to anyone about this particular meditation practice because they want it to be taught by teachers from their lineage. I absolutely respect this request and it makes a lot of sense to me that these teachings are passed on by someone who has studied them for decades.
Still, besides the meditation practice, there was so much wisdom shared within this few hours and I want to tell you a little bit about it, using my own words and blending it with my own experience.
The first thing that touched me deeply was the following statement: “Anxiety is caused by a disconnection with ourselves.”
I might be the only one, but I have never heard this explanation before. Regarding to the teacher, the underlying cause is our habit of rushing around in our life all day long. And while we are busy, running from place to place, we start to lose pieces of ourselves here and there. We lost some parts of us at work, others get left behind in traffic, and another one stays with our best friend, who we met briefly in between handling all our other duties, and so on. At the end of the day, we go to bed and might experience a sense of emptiness. There is no way we can feel whole anymore because of all the bits and pieces of ourselves that we lost throughout the day.
And what is our strategy for regaining a feeling of wholeness again? How do we handle this sense of disconnection and emptiness? We start to rush even more. We hurry from one place to the other, from one activity to the other in order to find the lost pieces. If you can relate to this behavior, I have a question for you: “Has this ever worked out for you?”
Modern culture with its technology and materialism tells us constantly that we don’t have enough, that we are not enough. How do we get out of this circle? This is where the practice of meditation comes in. I am not talking about any particular kind of meditation. Get comfortable in any clothes you like, sit or lay down in any position that feels good for you and just be with yourself. Sometimes this can feel scary in the beginning, no doubt. But as we learn to slow down and be with ourselves, we eventually will find this sense of wholeness again, this feeling of coming home to our very own being.
The way we treat and feel about ourselves when no one is watching influences our whole life. The essence of meditation is to relax deeply with ourselves. We don’t have to be afraid of ourselves. This approach will offer us a more mindful perspective in our daily life and chances are good that we will start to notice the moments in which we tend to rush, leaving parts of us behind on our way through the day.
So based on that, my mantra for the upcoming week and probably months is the following:
DO LESS in order to BE MORE.
Another topic, they talked about during the retreat, was the way we deal with discomfort, disagreements and all the other things that make you grind your teeth. What happens is that in those situations, we meet our personal edge. It feels like we are running against an internal wall. Our usual behavior might be to give up or to force our way through the obstacle but instead we should aim to soften.
Sounds a little crazy, doesn’t it? Our intuitive response might be to close or to built up a wall and hide behind. Maybe we spend all our energy trying to forcefully break through the obstacles. What if we give it a try and, rather than closing our heart in this vulnerable moment, allow ourselves to soften and to feel. This decision offers the chance to connect with your heart rather than fear. Emotions and thoughts that usually get stuck somewhere in our system throughout these moments of resistance and closing get the chance to flow freely. As we allow the moment to be the way it is, we allow ourselves to be the way we are. We come back home to ourselves.
On last part that I wanted to share with you refers to the practice itself. This can be your Yoga (asana) practice, your meditation or spiritual practice or really any practice that offers growth and a deep connection for you.
There are so many smart books out there, so many wise teachers and sometimes we get the feeling that if we just follow their path, repeat their words and their teachings over and over again, it will eventually lead us to where we are supposed to be. This might be partly right since we have to commit to a regular practice and it’s really helpful to follow the guidelines and teachings of those who have come before us. They have learned it from their teachers as well. But eventually, we have to make our own experiences. In order to get in contact with our own wisdom and find our own path, there has to be a place for experimenting and curiosity. The only way we grow is by experiencing our own thoughts and feelings within the practice. We need to touch, to visualize, to be playful. Just by showing up on our mat, our meditation cushion, … we connect with the wisdom of those who have come before us. We get in touch with it in our own way so that eventually, we start to embody our practice. It becomes a part of us and we start to lead by example because we have practiced and experienced what we share.
It doesn’t matter if you teach a Yoga class, your kids or you’re giving advice to a friend or a family member. By owning your experience, by staying true to yourself, you become the embodiment of what you share.
I know this blog post includes a lot of very sensitive and deep topics that probably can fill books. I decided to share it with you because sometimes it doesn’t have to be a book. Sometimes it’s fairly easy, or to say it with the words of Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche:
“Simple can understand complicated, but complicated often has a hard time to understand simple.”
