Emotions flow in and out, they don't define us. ~Julie Reed

One of my closest friends, who feels like a sister to me,
moved back to her hometown today. I have to admit that saying goodbye was never easy for me. I was never really good at letting go and dealing with the emotions that those situations bring up.

The last couple of days got me thinking about the way we view and deal with emotions. One of the first things that came to my mind was our tendency to label and judge. There are definitely some sensations that most of us would call “good” like happiness, joy, aliveness,… and our tendency usually is to hold on to them as long as we can. Then there are the other ones, the “bad ones” like sadness, anger, grief,… and we try our best to get rid of them or at least distract us from feeling them. What we forget most of the time is that there is actually nothing “good” or “bad” about emotions. They are simply moving energy, making their way through our being. The challenge begins when our mind starts to attach to these emotions. All the sudden they start to spin in our head and that´s the moment when we start to suffer. We try to hold onto the “good emotions" so tight and have a hard time to accept that our emotional world is constantly changing and adapting. On the other hand, we do or best to get rid of the “bad emotions” as fast as we can and most of us are very creative by doing that. There are definitely healthy options like journaling, painting, spending time in nature,… but that doesn´t always provide the “quick fix” most of us are looking for. Excessive behavior of any form can offer an apparently faster solution. So we eat, drink, work out, work, shop,… excessively in order to distract us from how we really feel.

By following these patterns, we do not only block the feelings from flowing freely, we actually start to store them in our bodies. Those stagnant emotions, and I can speak from my own experience, don´t get any better if they show up later in life.

This was reason enough for me to start searching for a tool that would allow me to hold space and allow the emotions to flow freely without getting attached to the usual mind-drama.
Eventually, I found the following meditation that you can use anytime during your day as short or as long as you like. I hope it will resonate as much with you as it does with me:

The moment you notice that your emotions start to rise and your mind gets super excited about the idea of creating some stories, find a place to stand, sit, or lay down comfortably. Imagine a beautiful, strong and tall tree. Allow yourself to become part of it. When you look up to the treetop, you can see that there is a storm going on that moves the crown of the tree in all directions. Now guide your awareness deeper into the trunk and the roots of the tree. You might be able to connect to a deep centered and grounded feeling and a stillness that doesn’t get affected by the roaring storm up at the crown. In order to get out of the storm that´s going on in your mind, you need to guide your awareness deeper into your center. Ground down into your core and connect with the breath in your belly. Allow yourself to take a step back, get out of the mind-storm and simply observe what´s going on at the top. Stay fully grounded and centered. Just watch your emotions and thoughts coming and going as if there was no connection between you and them. If you find yourself getting distracted and being pulled into the storm again, just use your belly-breath as an anchor to come back to the stillness in your center, stepping back into the role of the observer over and over again.

This simple exercise will allow you to watch your emotions flow freely with a good chance that they will transform and release on their own. You can use this short meditation as often and long as you like.

I can´t promise you that you will feel instant relieve but something that I can say for sure is that you might experience a sense of freedom once you notice that you don’t have to helplessly suffer through your emotions and thoughts. Once you discover that there is a stillness behind it all, even if it´s just for a second, you will notice that the mind-stuff and feelings are impermanent and that there is a deep sense of freedom behind it all.

We have to give ourselves the permission to feel. There is nothing we need to block or hide. The more we can allow ourselves to be the way we are, the more freedom we will find in observing our daily emotional ups and downs without any need to attach to the minds storytelling.

Surrender

 Eventually, everyone of us experiences times where life just doesn´t feel as smooth as it used to be. It doesn´t have to be anything serious, you might just feel a little bit off. Maybe you are more sensitive to what´s going on in your life our you get easily overwhelmed. Maybe you feel moody for no obvious reason or you simply don´t feel capable of dealing with the things live throws at you.

After coming back from a trip to Austria where I visited family and friends for three weeks, I felt that way. As much as I love living in Boulder, coming back was challenging. I missed my loved ones so much, the feeling of not wanting to let go of the last couple of weeks became my primary state of being. I would dwell in memories most of the time, not able to connect with what was going on in the present moment. I guess some people would call it homesick. Additionally, to missing my folks back in Austria, one of my closest friends, who feels like a sister to me, has just recently told me that she will leave Boulder for good and move back to the East coast.

All the sudden I started to feel really alone. I was on Skype a lot and met lots of friends here in Boulder, but nothing could fill the emptiness that has started to grow within. It was strange because in my mind I knew that the loneliness I was feeling inside was not necessarily standing in relation to reality but my heart had never been rational. In fact, there was no obvious reason to feel that way because I was not alone. There are so many wonderful and loving people around me and still, I couldn't “fight” this sense of loneliness.

But there was one thing I knew for sure – I didn't want to be that person. I always try to be someone I would like to surround myself with. So I had to find a way out and eventually I did what I usually do when I feel a little lost – I start to get physically active. I went on more and longer runs, extended the amount of time practicing Yoga, chose higher mountains for my hikes and so on. On one hand, this habit is beneficial because I spend more time in nature, it´s easier for me to arrive in the present moment and I get out of my head. On the other hand, it became a pattern that allowed me to sugarcoat everything that is underneath the surface with lots of activities that make me simply too busy to deal with the hidden fears and thought patterns that I consciously or unconsciously don´t want to face.

Needless to say that this strategy doesn't outlast very long.

This time, I started to get injured.  It began with minor things. I would hit my shin on the edge of the bed pretty badly, then the other shin on a rock during a hike. I stepped on my electric toothbrush and punctuated my heel (I am not kidding, I took the top part off and put the lower half on the ground while cleaning the bathroom and tataaaaa: stepped right on the sharp metal part), which was not so minor anymore. And then finally I slipped during a downhill trail run on a pretty rocky and steep part. I had tons of luck, nothing broke but I look like I had a fight with a raccoon. Bruises and scratches everywhere.

There was no way around, I had to slow down and eventually sit with whatever it was I had to work through.

I am still in the process. I found a daily ritual that I try to perform as regular as I can. I knew that this time, it would take a little bit more than just to sit in silence for about ten minutes to get myself out of whatever reality my mind had created.

And I knew I had to start right away in the morning because that´s really the time to set the mood for the rest of the day. One of the most important parts was to remind myself that I am in charge of my thoughts and emotions and that if I would only start to work with them in a very loving and forgiving way, I eventually would be able to shape them toward a direction that serves me and the people around me.

I took the first step by buying a book. It´s a 40-day guidebook and I try to really stick with the practices it has to offer. I have a short written note to myself that I read before I get out of bed in the morning and then I start my day with a cup of warm lemon water (I am trying to include this in my daily routine for a while but it feels like now is the right moment to really make it a healthy habit).

I read the daily chapter of the book while having breakfast. Usually, it includes a short morning meditation (it´s an affirmation which you say out loud and then sit with it for a minute or so), an affirmation for the day (I type it into my phone with an hourly reminder) and a journaling and meditation exercise for the evening.

I keep a gratitude jar and at some point, during the day I take a little Post-it and fill it with all the things I am grateful for on this particular day. It doesn’t have to be something fancy, it can be literally anything. From the taste of my favorite tea in the morning to the little hummingbird, I saw on the balcony… anything.

I also try to be really conscious of how I talk to and treat myself. I couldn't help but notice that the way I am talking to myself is sometimes so mean, I would never speak to anyone else that way. So whenever I catch myself coming up with these internal dialogues, I try to shift my perspective and address them with love and maybe even more important at this point: forgiveness.

Old patterns are hard to overcome. It took them a while to built and melt into our lives. I am not saying that every day now is pure light and joy but I can definitely sense a shift in my perspective and I am more conscious of my thoughts and actions.

I guess everyone experiences difficult periods at some point, that are not necessarily related to big life changing events. We carry a lot of old stories with us that influence our lives, most of the time unconsciously. There is actually nothing wrong with them. In fact, they can become our biggest teachers. We just need to pause, listen and remind ourselves that in the end, we are in charge of what we think and how we make ourselves feel.

And that it´s OK to reach out once in a while and ask for help - a big hug from someone you love and a good cry can cause miracles.

Sometimes it´s simply a part of the journey to surrender, to hold space for whatever might arise in your experience in any given moment.  To breathe and to feel, with all your heart.

“What day is it?” asked Pooh.

“It´s today.” squeaked Piglet.

“My favorite day.” said Pooh.

Compassion

During a hike at a  nearby reservoir yesterday afternoon, we saw smoke in the hills but didn´t pay a lot of attention.  In the evening, Facebook was already full of reports of a fire that spread rapidly. Somehow the whole thing still felt far away and unrealistic. At 9 pm, a yoga teacher
reached out per email in need of help. She needed her classes covered because her house might get evacuated.
She has a husband, 3 kids, and 6 dogs.
So far 300 houses got evacuated.

Today we went on a hike. As we left in the early morning, we could smell the smoke while driving up the Canyon. Up on the mountaintop, the fire looked small, but after the hike, as we stopped to get lunch in a town nearby, we noticed that the smoke had grown into a dense dark cloud. Helicopters and even airplanes flew forth and back between reservoirs and the fire. I probably do not need to describe how we felt when suddenly two cars with booming music stopped right in front of the small terrace where we had our lunch. Three ladies got out and started to yell and dance for whatever reason. It felt so out of place, so ignorant. Didn´t they notice what was going on? They didn´t eve show a single sign of being moved by what was happening.

On our ride home, I couldn´t help myself but think about what I just had seen. It took me a while to reflect on it but I finally found my answer:
Moments like these happen every day all around the world. It happens every hour, every minute, ... While some celebrate, others are experiencing a severe blow. Somewhere someone wins the lottery, elsewhere someone loses his house. A child is born during the same time someone has to say a final good-bye to a loved one.
Does this mean that we should remind ourselves constantly that somewhere in this world someone suffers right at this moment? Shall we stop to celebrate, to laugh, to live joyfully when we feel like it? Probably not.
Life is a constant interplay of ups and downs, winning and losing, laughter and tears.
As I thought about it, I remembered a practice that I use once in a while to start my Yoga classes:

I tell my students to close their eyes and simply observe how they feel in the present moment. I ask them to notice if they feel full of energy, lively, cheerful or if they experience a feeling of emptiness, maybe even exhaustion. For some of them, it´s the first time of consciously tuning in with how they feel during their day. Then I ask them to widen their perception, include the people around them and make a conscious choice based on how they feel:
Who feels full of energy starts to focus on the exhalation and shares a little bit of any supporting quality (love, peace, trust, happiness,...) with the people around him. Who feels tired and empty focuses on the inspiration and starts to breathe in energy and any quality that serves them.
This exercise seems very simple, but it has so much to offer. For some students, it´s the first time of consciously tuning in with how they feel, the first time of finding presence in the moment. And once the start to spread their awareness and connect with the people around them, they make a choice. They decide, based on their sense of self, if they have something to offer, or if it´s time to allow themselves to receive.

The point is not to feel bad because the person next to you might undergo a difficult time. The point is to be aware of it and to act upon.

These days, some people will probably lose their livelihood in the raging fire. To take on their suffering and fear won´t help anyone. For me, compassion, in any form whatsoever, seems like the only way we can support them. And compassion can have countless faces. There are pilots out there flying their helicopters and airplanes 24/7, neighbors and friends offer a helping hand or accommodation. People are sending thoughts and prayers to those who need them those days.
Compassion has so many forms and finds countless ways to support. I think that´s what we have to trust in.


"Use your voice for kindness, your ears for compassion, your hands for charity, your mind for truth, and your heart for Love." unknown