A few days ago I read an interesting article. It told the story of a man who was raised as a Christian, studied Hinduism as a young adult and eventually fell in love with the philosophy of Buddhism. One of his conclusions after all these years of studying: “Don’t try to be special.” He even wrote a book with the title “Be nobody”. I haven’t read the book yet but in the article was a short description that deeply resonated with me.
Every one of us tries to be someone special. Something that differs us from other people.
How can we ever be happy if we always try to be better? Better in our job, better in shape, better than the people around us. Faster, smarter, extraordinary and outstanding.
This attitude doesn’t only keep us chasing an imaginary self; it also makes us feel as if we are never good enough. There is always something that could be done better in order to "be special". There is no peace, no happiness in this way of thinking and living. If we would allow ourselves to let go of the need to be extraordinary, we would be able to get rid of the burden we have placed on ourselves. This need to “be better” evolves out of fear which is caused by the ego. (what a surprise ;-) )
Letting go of the need to compare, to achieve, to chase imaginary thoughts such as “once I reach this goal, life will be better” is something that takes courage. It challenges us to face old thought patterns, habits and beliefs that we are not even consciously aware of. No one says that letting go of something that we confuse as part of our personality can’t be scary once in a while, but I trust that it is a rewarding journey.
I am not saying that there is something wrong with setting goals and working towards something that inspires you. The reason why you are doing all these things is what matters. Are you following this path because it inspires you and feels like an inner calling that truly resonates with you? Or are you trying to achieve something in order to feel better, smarter, more successful, etc. than somebody else? Are your actions caused by love for what you are doing or by a fear that gets nurtured through the habit of comparing yourself with others?
Even if it’s just for a day, let’s allow us to ~be nobody. To let go of any need to be special. Even thinking about this idea immediately opens up a sense of freedom for me. What about you?
This whole topic brings me further to something that is emphasized a lot by “A course in miracles”: the conscious decision to choose Love over fear. Paying attention to the decisions I make throughout my days, the way I live my life, I couldn’t help myself but notice: a lot of it is fear based. This might sound pretty negative but if you actually allow yourself to pay attention to all the subtle nuances of fear: guilt, jealousy, comparison, low self-esteem, anger, judgment, obsession, rigidity, attachment, etc., you might eventually notice that you don’t live your life as freely and peacefully as you might think you do.
Fear is caused by the ego and the ego’s voice can be pretty loud as we all know. I will give you an example: I would describe myself as a pretty introverted person. This might surprise most of the people I know. I make connections easily. Taking part in conversations and building lasting relationships feels pretty natural and easy. What most people don’t know: if you would offer me the choice between an evening on the couch with a good book and partying all night long, I would choose the couch. If you would offer me a weekend full of adventure with a group of lovely people or two days of loneliness in the mountains, I would probably choose the quiet time. For every hour I spend socializing, I need an hour of alone time to balance my energy. That doesn’t mean that I don’t like spending time socializing, it simply means that I need plenty of time by myself to balance and recharge. This is the part when the fear kicks in. I am worried about what people might think of me if I don’t take part in all the activities. I am afraid of losing friends if I don’t commit to regular meeting times, I fear to end up alone one day because I finally allowed myself to say NO rather than YES.
Gabby Bernstein offers a beautiful Mantra that I started to repeat as often as I can: “I choose Love instead of this.” Regarding on what you are currently working, there are countless ways in which you can apply this Mantra. In the example I gave you above, it helps me to choose Love over fear regarding personal relationships. I trust that friends won’t take my NO as a personal rejection but rather will learn to accept it as a part of who I am. It helps me to remember that all the people in my life won’t see me as a better person because I show up for every single activity, ending up burned out because I don't listen to what I need. This Mantra reminds me to not only choose Love in my relationships with all other beings around me but also with myself.
Choosing Love in this example means to me, that I allow myself to let go of social conventions and expectations, regardless if I place them on myself or others. I trust that people who truly love me for who I am will understand.
Sometimes it’s essential for me to “become nobody”. To withdraw from all the roles we take on in our daily life. To take a step back and be simply …me. Without any comparison, any judgment, any need to satisfy my own or other’s expectations.
These are short moments of peace. Moments of joy and happiness. They require a lot of awareness. Most of the time we will probably only get a glimpse of how life could feel if we would allow ourselves to follow this path but I trust that one day we will be able to choose Love over fear.
What about you? What do you fear? What are the parts of your life where you feel like you are “not enough”? When does fear, in all it’s different facets, causes you to act in a way that blocks the connection to your true self?
And most important: how would you feel if you “chose to see Love instead of this” and just for a moment, allow yourself to ~be nobody? ♡
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